august '24 things

this month's books, recommendations, and answers to your questions

Books

• Archangel’s Consort (Guild Hunter Book 3) by Nalini Singh

• The Power Pause by Neha Ruch (out January 14)

• When Women Were Dragons by Kelly Barnhill

• Break the Fall by Jennifer Iacopelli

• Between Friends & Lovers by Shirlene Obuobi

• Born of Blood & Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

• The Stolen Queen by Fiona Davis

• The Truth According to Ember by Danica Nava

• Queen B by Juno Dawson

• Marriage & Masti by Nisha Sharma

• The Art of Power by Nancy Pelosi

Recommendations

• Fashion + Beauty

  • I wore these jeans and this blouse multiple times in England - comfortable, polished, and held up beautifully after 5 wears.

  • This (powder) dry shampoo was another lifesaver in London.

  • The perfect, affordable t-shirt (4 for $27)

  • The shirt dress that will transition perfectly from summer to fall

• Travel

  • You’ll only need one of these surge protectors - trust me.

  • Forget travel alone - this is my go-to steamer for my clothes.

  • These entertainment bags are the first things I pack when traveling with my kids.

• Home

  • the air filter that has us sleeping better (verified by my Oura sleep score!)

  • it might sound weird to gush about a power strip, but these have all the plugs/USB ports you could need while sitting flat behind furniture

  • pretty jars to hold the unpretty bathroom things - Q-tips, flossers, etc.

  • this stone bath mat dries in seconds and looks really elegant.

Q&A

• How are you/your boys feeling about school starting up again? Any fears for the school year?
  All of us are pretty thrilled for back to school and to get back to our routine and city life. This summer has been anything but routine, and we really struggled to find a general rhythm (let alone a settled routine). I do feel nervous about them going from completely free days to the structure of school days/after school activities/etc. I hope it’ll be a smooth transition, and I’m minimizing my non-family plans during the first two weeks to be present at home and give us the space we need to ease back into the regular schedule.

• Favorite snack? Vacation you want to take?
  Favorite snack is Wegman’s hatch chili gouda with fire roasted tomato Triscuits. The vacation I want to take is the Rome & Tyrrhenian Sea vacation (no kids!) that we’re taking in September. Our friend Nancy is our travel advisor and fully planned our England and Italy trips - she’s the best.

• How are you? What has you feeling optimistic for autumn?
  This hasn’t been our easiest summer, and I feel like I’m failing on all fronts (work, family, as a friend, feeling all the FOMO). My goal for autumn is to get back to my baseline on all these fronts, and do whatever I can to help elect Democrats up and down the ballot.

• How do you deal with depression (if you have experienced it)?
  I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 last summer. Mental health disorder is not something you ever get cured from, but learn to live with, For me, the monster inside my head has been extra loud and cruel this summer and had me believing the worst things about myself (like I’m a terrible mom/wife/daughter, I’m not loveable, everyone would be better off without me). I had a few of these spirals over the summer, and I’m continuing to work on untangling these lies from the truth.
  It’s really scary to not feel safe in your own mind.
  I feel guilty for asking for the space and extra alone time I need to deal with my monster and weaken it. I need more sleep, time to exercise and be in nature, more therapy sessions, and to rot in bed a bit. I needed to adjust my medication several times over the year. And I REALLY need to spend less time online for my mental health, but still need to show up here to do the work I want (as an activist and as an author).
  I’m sending anyone who feels scared in their own mind the biggest hug. I want to reassure you that you’re loved, you’re seen, and you’re deserving of everything good in your life.

• Can you please elaborate a bit more on the concept fo writing morning pages?
  Morning pages is a practice from Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way - it’s simply writing 3 pages stream-of-consciousness longhand, every morning. The most important part is to not judge yourself or have any expectations from your writing. It’s been a deeply grounding and helpful practice for me this summer, and brings me clarity and peace.

• What to do when the kids overwhelm me and I get triggered by all the crying?
  Get off your phone. Drink some water or splash some water on your face. Get outside - either with them or solo if you can. These small tactics to help immediately and are by no means a cure, but they help me guide my kids out of an emotional moment and tame the tension.
  There’s a ritual we do in the school year that really helps us stay connected. I spend at least 5 minutes with each of my kid, doing whatever they want to do, with no distractions (and preferably doing an offline activity). I also find holding my kid firmly and taking deep breaths together helps calm the tension and boosts oxytocin.

• Tips for navigating hanging onto my identity as I become a first time mom?
  I had these same concerns when I was pregnant with Rho, and my friend Divya gave me the advice I’m about to share with you: everything that matters will still matter, and motherhood filters out the things that don’t really matter.
  You have always been and will always be you - and motherhood will change you in ways you can’t plan for or expect. Take these first few months to heal and connect with your child (and get help if you find your mental health suffering), and reject any pressure to rush into a new identity or expectations.

• Feeling lost on what my next right steps are. Any tips please?
  My friend Keren taught me the power of Magic 20 lists (write a list of 20 actions/tasks you can do to get closer to a specific goal or project) and chip away at them, one task a day.
  I do this for every goal/project/dream of mine. Finishing the list helps me determine if that goal is truly what I want or if it’s no longer aligned, and I learn so much from every list.

• How do I know if I’m burnt out or truly just hate my job and need a new one?
  My LinkedIn Catalyst feature details one of my biggest burnout story - I think it’ll help you identify if it’s a burn out moment or you need a new change. I would also recommend The Setback Cycle - it’s a powerful book to help anyone stuck in this space.

• Just got my stock trading account and looking to invest in female owned companies. Recommendations?
  I’m going to refer you to Girls That Invest (and specifically the podcast episode with Upasna Gautam) on her investing journey, from index funds to angel investing. It’s hard to identify which publicly traded firms have women founders/majority exec teams or boards, and my opinion (not advice - not licensed to advise) is to put the bulk of your investable cash in index funds, and some in a high interest savings account for liquidity. If you meet the criteria to be an accredited investor and want to invest in early stage companies, it’s something I find rewarding but it’s a small fraction of my overall portfolio.

• How did you prep your son for preK or kindergarten? I’m nervous for my boy!
  Confession - I didn’t do very much. We sort of just leapt in and hoped for the best, and I feel really lucky that it did work out.
  Our boys have the benefit of being at the same school, which we’ve been at since Rho started kindergarten in 2020 (though his pandemic experience is vastly different than Rhaki’s). Getting an early tour of his classroom - or pictures from his teacher - and asking for the day’s schedule to share with your child is something that can help prep them. I also recommend doing some back-to-school shopping with your little one and hype his choices up when he picks it out.
  He’s got this, and so do you.