issue #153 - the one on what you don't see
Our online lives are the highlight reels of our lives. Whether it’s to memorialize the important moments or act as our modern day diaries, we share the most outwardly important and impressive moments:
I’m guilty of that as well. But I also do enjoy showing snippets of my usual life, which look like this:
I never gave this much thought until my friend Amy asked me about how I seemingly juggle my many jobs, on stage at The Riveter x altSummit on Friday. My answer shined light on the latter picture. For every impressive social media moment I share, from speaking at a conference to attending an event to launching or announcing something, there are many more moments of myself sitting on my couch in sweatpants, eating Taco Bell that I’ve had delivered and watching reality television or reading a romance novel. And while I do vow to share more of those moments openly, I figured I would start here.
It’s a Sunday afternoon. My husband and Rho are playing a Pokemon video game in our room. Rhaki is snuggled up next to me, watching Peppa Pig as I write and sip a cup of ginger tea. I’m wearing an old Eagles thermal shirt and flared sweatpants and am charging my phone so I can stream the Eagles game during dinner and bath time.
After a week running around the city for meetings, events, a major photo shoot, and so many dinners out, this very normal Sunday feels downright heavenly. And while it’s not the aspirational kind of day we’ve been programmed to believe isn’t worth sharing, it’s just as much a highlight of my week as all the big things were.
I want to shout out a few creators who I think showcase the beauty of the everyday in their content - Hina Cheema, Catherine Brown, Carmen James, Amy Nelson, Upasana Gautam - while informing and educating with such empathy. I’ve been in such a “oh, I need to edit or film or create before I post” mode that I’ve missed my whole point of sharing my life on social media - which is to share my life authentically.
I do also champion taking breaks from social media or not sharing something just for the sake of sharing, so this tightrope is a tricky one to balance on. But I think we all would be a little better off my sharing what is real in our Reels, and sharing the things that bring us joy or help motivate us or removing the “guilty” label from the things that just bring us pleasure.
For me, that means documenting my next sloth day. And that means a matching loungewear set, Taco Bell delivery, and whichever movie or show has captured my attention (right now, RHOSLC) or I’m savoring a rewatch of (Practical Magic fall, baby).
And do I need one of those days. Preferably on Friday, after the #HotGirlWalk I’m hosting with She’s The First on Tuesday morning (join us if you can!), Diwali On The Hudson on Wednesday evening, and too many conference calls, e-mails, and meetings.
What I Read Last Month
The Stolen Year by Anya Kamenetz - this is one of the best and hardest books I’ve read this year, and it should be required reading of every employer and public service official to actually put our most vulnerable and important people first (and not the most profitable) when it comes to developing policies for us all. Many of us are still emerging from active pandemic life into a post-pandemic ones, with our choices dictated by what affects us directly (myself included). This book shined an important spotlight in what happened to others who were so dependent on the little structure that pre-pandemic life and educational support provided and how they survived. More importantly, it shows what we could do if we chose to put people before profits first. While I heartily endorse every book I’ve read this past month, this is at the top of that list.
Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo - Alex assigned me this book as a part of our new IG Live series (I, in turn, assigned the excellent Kingmaker Chronicles to her), and it was the perfect fall book to usher in spooky season. The book has so many themes that I love - secret societies at elite institutions, a mysterious and misunderstood protagonist, and a Wawa-Taco Bell reference in the first few pages that immediately captured my attention. While I’m late to the Leigh Bardugo wagon, I’m all aboard and very excited to read the sequel.
Brazen by Julia Haart - one of my highlights of the week was meeting THE Julia Haart, the incredible woman who bravely left her ultra-Orthodox community to become a legend in the fashion industry and whose bravery and honesty and vulnerability embodies feminine leadership in all ways. It was serendipitous that I had read this book just a couple of weeks before I met her at a dinner (I had immediately watched the show when it came out), and I honestly think it's Jessica Simpson-level good - and a brilliant business and personal development book to boot.
I Choose Myself by Deepti Vempati - I promise I do other things than watch Netflix and read books by Netflix reality show personalities. So many of us saw ourselves when Deepti Vempati said no to Shake on Love Is Blind and bravely chose herself (hell yes!). I confess that I was a bit ageist in thinking “what does a thirty-something have to write a memoir about?” I was wrong, and I think there’s something refreshing and inspiring in reading about someone’s experiences who is closer in your age, especially when a memoir is this honest and vulnerable. There’s incredible power in openly sharing your story - the good and the really hard - and Deepti does just that with incredible grace. It’s a book I’m gifting to my adult nieces and nephews, and I can’t wait to see what Deepti does next.
Court of the Vampire Queen by Katee Roberts - if Sam Smith’s Unholy and Twilight had a love child, it would be this insanely steamy reverse harem (one woman, multiple men) that I literally couldn’t put down and worried it would melt my Kindle. The seemingly non-magical daughter of a powerful vampire was essentially sold to the last-of-his-line, cursed male vampire to bear him a child, and they get right down to business from the get go. I know this premise may sound insane or not your speed, but Katee’s writing is superb and I promise that the reverse harem makes perfect sense in the plot of this story and in vampire life in general. It is excellent.
Icebreaker by Hannah Grace - If The Cutting Edge (yes, the iconic early 90’s movie) had a modern younger sibling with a healthy sex life, it’s this book. We have a grumpy-sunshine trope set in ultra-competitive collegiate sports, meddling friends, and complicated parental relationships. Just trust me when I say that the thousands of 5 star reviews are absolutely correct, and this is so worth reading.
Hitha’s Recommendations
ABLE Anniversary Sale is happening right now! (12YEARS gets you 20% off your order). Everything ABLE makes is done with sustainability and dignified labor in mind, and their sizing range is fully inclusive. Here are some of my longtime favorites and what I’ve purchased myself from this sale:
Dresses and jumpsuits: this smocked jumpsuit, lounge dress, overalls
Knits: this sweater vest, this short-sleeved polo, and this cropped cardigan
Bottoms: the chicest lounge pants (which can totally be worn out), the most perfect black leggings, and these silk trousers (pair them with the matching blouse)
The Rose Smocked Midi Dress is the most perfect Practical Magic fall dress - the print is gorgeous, it has pockets and little straps to keep your bra in place, and is short enough for me to wear with flats. While this is excluded from the anniversary sale as it’s a collaboration piece, Jess’ code JAK15 gets you 15% off on it!
Things That Got Me Through This Week
Most of my good health habits went out the window this week, but I did take my Athletic Greens religiously (and took my travel packs with me for a second drink on long days) and I credit it with helping keep me going. My link gets you a years’s supply of Vitamin D3+K2 and five free travel packs with your order!
I didn’t sleep much, but my Equilibria sleep gummies, rapid sleep melts, and extra strength drops helped improve that quality of sleep. Code hitha gets you 15% off your order and stacks on top of any of their existing promotions.
I didn’t have much time in the mornings with the kids, but Nurish chocolate milk mix and Smarty Pants vitamins kept them fueled and any nutrition gaps filled (and given that these kids are both all about the carbs, cheese, and dal rice, they definitely have some gaps!)
I don’t think I would’ve survived without this portable charger this week. No additional cords are needed and it can charge your phone fully about 2.5 times.
May you savor your regular and mundane moments the way you savor the big ones this week. That’s my goal.
xo,
HPN
Heavenly is RIGHT!! Thank you for always brining a dose of sunshine into my life.