issue #205 - the quitting one
(it's not what you think)
So the second Friday of January is apparently ‘Quitter’s Day’ - the day that well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions are abandoned and resolvers revert to their defaults - not the hedonistic indulgence of the holidays, and not the restrictive limits they imposed on themselves in an effort to transform themselves.
Quitter’s Day, by that definition, is a bummer. But let me offer a reframe.
All of us hold onto narratives that either hold us back or don’t serve us. Mine are:
“You really need to lose that belly.”
“#5SmartReads should be bigger by now.”
“You aren’t doing enough.”
Jerks, these narratives are. And these - not well-intended resolutions that were likely too ambitious in scale and lacking a plan - are what we need to quit.
I talk a lot about narratives - the ones we’ve internalized and accepted as a universal truth and the ones we write for ourselves - in We’re Speaking. It took me decades to recognize the difference between an external narrative and my own truth. Whenever I’m feeling confined or limited by something I’m telling myself - like the ones I listed above - I pause and sit with these phrases, and try to track where they came from and why they’re ringing in my head.
Here’s what I know to be true about myself - I want to live with good health and strength for as long as I possibly can, and my midsection is not the only barometer of that goal. But hitting my protein and fiber goals, moving my body daily, and prioritizing sleep consistently will help me achieve that health goal, and I’m proud of my progress thus far. Not every day has been perfect, but it’s not going to be.
I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve built to date with #5SmartReads, and I have a million ideas for what to do next. But this is not the year for scaling 5SR and my content business - it’s the year I’m laser focused on Rhoshan Pharmaceuticals. The focus on Rhoshan Pharma has been exactly what my team and the business needs right now, and I’m so glad to have made this priority before I needed this time and focus.
I’ve been doing too much over the past few years, and focusing on 3 goals with my full focus and energy feels different and weird. It’s understandable that I don’t feel like I’m doing enough, but I’m coming to realize that this current rhythm allows me to prioritize more presence when I’m with my loved ones. What a gift, to have flexibility and the choice to drop a few balls. It’s a privilege I’m grateful for.
The only thing any of us should be quitting is our negative self-talk. If you find yourself fixating on a false narrative that’s making you feel bad about yourself, I want you to pause and unpack that narrative. Question it and find your truth to replace it. Write it down somewhere (I have a note in my Notes App full of negative narrative analyses like these) to remind yourself of who you are, what you want, and what you will achieve.
If you’re around on Tuesday (and live in NYC), I would love to see you at The Grand’s New Year Soiree on January 23rd. You can request an invitation here (enter HITHA2024 to answer the question “What brings you to The Grand, and you’ll be entered to win a 1:1 mentoring session with me).
What We Read This Week
Hitha
The War of Two Queens by Jennifer L. Armentrout - the best book of this series so far. I needed to pause and take a breather before I jump into the final book, which will consume me and I can’t handle being this consumed by a book right now!
Good Guy by Kate Meader - this was the perfect frothy, easy, lovely sports romance palate cleanser I needed after the previous book.
A Drop of Venom by Sajni Patel - I was honored to partner with Rick Riordan Presents to amplify the launch of this special book, and it requires another mention because it’s just brilliant. Since reading Pandora’s Jar (a brilliant book examining the women in Greek myths), I’ve felt Medusa got a terrible edit and I loved this retelling of her story, with an Indian mythology twist. It’s ambitious and brilliant - and I hope you read it.
Jessica
The Wonder of Small Things: Poems of Peace and Renewal, edited by James Crews - I began the new year by reading this beautiful collection of poetry about finding awe in the every day. I think I'm going to make it an annual tradition.
Shibani
A Love Song for Ricki Wilde by Tia Williams (out 2/6/2024) - Ricki Wilde leaves her life in Atlanta behind to move into a brownstone in Harlem and open her dream floral shop. Ezra Walker is a musician who also lives in Harlem. Once their paths cross, they can’t seem to stay away from each other.
I want to tell you everything about this book and I want to tell you nothing about this book. I want you to experience it the way I did - with absolute delight. This book is so clever and witty - it is frequently laugh out loud funny, and also has a lyrical, almost poetic way about it too.
This has shades of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo with a thoroughly modern romance. It’s both familiar and new at the same time.
✅ dual timeline- past and present. The past is during the Harlem Renaissance, 1920s
✅ fated mates
🌶️: yes, in a very sensual way
This is going to be one of my best reads of 2024 and I’m going to be absolutely evangelical about everyone reading this book.
This Could be Us by Kennedy Ryan (out 3/5/2024) - come for the gorgeous cover, and stay for the gorgeous story. Soledad has the perfect life- perfect house, perfect family. Then a scandal tears her world apart and she finds herself starting over. And she’s attracted to the one guy who should be off limits.
✅ set in Atlanta
✅ scandalous and messy
✅ both leads are 40/40+
🌶️: yes!
✅ autism rep (and also a brief discussion of the language of autism, which I greatly appreciate)
This is second book of a series and reading the first is helpful but you could read it as a standalone.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️! One of the best books of 2024!
Mickey Chambers Shakes it Up by Charish Reid - when Mickey, an adjunct professor at a local college needs to make some extra money, she takes a job at a bar. Diego, the widowed bar-owner, hasn’t realized that his newest employee is also teaching the English class that he’s enrolled in, as he tries to complete his degree.
✅ she’s 33, he’s 42
✅ grumpy sunshine
✅ workplace romance (set in a bar)
🌶️: and it’s not a slow burn
The Top Reads From This Week
You can get #5SmartReads delivered to your inbox every weekday - subscribe here.
Monday: It’s 2024, and Being Cringe Is the New Cool (Promise)
Tuesday: My Father, My Faith, and Donald Trump
Wednesday: The Greater Goal in Gaza
Thursday: 3 ways to feel motivated in winter, according to a Danish happiness and hygge expert
Friday: 9 ways to get healthier in 2024 without trying very hard
The rest of this week’s reads:
January 15, 2024
January 16, 2024
January 17, 2024
January 18, 2024
January 19, 2024
The Weekly Thali
Thali is a traditional Indian meal made up of a number of dishes (presented in their own small bowls), served on a single platter. It feels like an appropriate description of a grab bag section of Q&A, recommendations, and random links shared this week
Your questions answered: the most valuable items on my desk, do you need a probiotic (this is the one that’s been a gamechanger for me), and the app that helps me stay focused.
I swooned while watching this adorable video, and this one made me love New York even more.
I’ve stopped wearing foundation thanks to this makeup routine - color correcting with Live Tinted’s Perk (tapping it in with my finger instead of using a sponge or rubbing it in), brushing on their Hueskin concealer (I wear shade 13) over the color corrected areas and other areas needing coverage and blending with this concealer brush. Once blended, I spritz my face with setting spray and blend my face again with a fluffy brush.
I traveled to California this weekend and gave Dagne Dover’s new Lagos convertible duffel and Seoul dopp kit, and I’m so impressed with the comfort and organization of both of these items. You can use HITHA25 to get 25% off your full-priced order (valid until 1/27). Don’t sleep on their Vault Sale - here are my favorites!
I’m listening to both Crescent City books before House of Flame and Shadow comes out. If you want a quicker recap, this one is excellent.
What I wore this week - a cozy dress, not-so-basic neutrals, an easy monochrome look, my new favorite dress, and a great travel outfit