issue #206 - the one waiting for the other shoe to drop
does anyone else feel that way?
Things are good right now. I feel like I have a solid handle on the work front, I’m feeling connected to my family and my friends. I’m getting a good amount of sleep, working out regularly, and am eating more vegetables (and am slightly annoyed that these basic health habits are so effective when done consistently).
I feel really good.
I also have a sense of dread, waiting for a random shoe to drop and derail everything.
This is not a new feeling - it’s actually been my norm for most of my adult life. In previous instances, I would let the dread win and spiral down into stretches of couch rot, ordering in my comfort meals, and scrolling far too much and sleeping far too little.
The last time I visited Dreadville was November. I hit rock bottom after saying yes too much, dealing with a significant work challenge, and basically lived on Pirate’s Booty, Diet Coke, and too much reality television. It took Wintering, a December that prioritized sleep and Hallmark movies and RSVPing no, and investing in health coaching to get back on track - and to stay there.
While January felt like a full year, it’s also been wonderful (meeting my sports heroes, celebrating my friends). More importantly, it was the first time I felt like my best self was in control, versus me being at the mercy of my worst self.
Which makes the lingering dread feel more ominous. I feel like I have farther to fall and more to lose, and that feels scary. The only thing we are in control of is how we respond. However, I’ve lived many, many poor responses that I thought I had learned my lessons from, only to default to them in moments of intense stress.
January was anything but gentle, despite my best efforts. But it was fulfilling, and that’s the energy I want to bring into the rest of 2024. In an effort to document what’s worked for me, here are the habits and rituals that have helped me stay focused and present, and to reset when things veered off-course:
Drinking my breakfast, which is just mixing up ice water with AG1 and protein powder in a shaker bottle and drinking it before I have my coffee. Because of my thyroid medication, breakfast has become a non-negotiable, and this one is easy and relatively tasty. Drinking this before coffee also has helped me make better nutrition choices during the day, and to be consistent with my supplements as well.
Using the Forest app proactively instead of reactively, during 4 critical timepoints:
right after my morning meditation (so I make the bed, brush my teeth and do my skincare, change, and drink breakfast instead of scrolling)
when I journal and plan my day (which flows into the first work block).
when I pick up my kids from school and have dinner with them
when I pick up my Kindle to read before bed
Actually planning my week and day.
Weekly plan: I do a brain dump in the following 6 categories (Rhoshan Pharma, Content, #5SmartReads, Family, Home, Self) and scroll through my emails, meeting minutes, texts, and DMs to list out tasks in each bucket (and add items that didn’t get completed from last week onto this one). I’ll then block out 1-2 hour chunks in my iCal for each bucket around the meetings already in the calendar. I write my brain dumps in this notebook and will keep it open to that week’s page so I can cross it off and note a follow up task.
Daily plan: I use the Progress Over Perfection planner to list out the day’s tasks and write down my intended calendar for the day (along with meals, workouts, and affirmation). I’ve been tearing out my pages from the planner, and hope they produce a notepad in the future.
My journaling practice is my Silk+Sonder monthly journal and app. I write down the day’s affirmation in the “One Thing” box, pick a prompt and fill the day’s section, and track my habits and mood in it).
Tracking my food in MyFitnessPal. This is a requirement for my health coach, but I’ve learned to plan my meals based on my plans. On days when I know I’ll be having lunch or dinner out, I’ll front load my protein and fiber early in the day so I can enjoy what I want at the restaurant. Following the macro plan my coach laid out for me helped me lose 6 pounds over the past 2 months with a bit of planning and reflecting. I can’t recommend BBR more highly if you’re looking for some support in improving your own health (mention that I referred you in your application form, and you’ll receive a small discount on whichever plan you pick).
Establishing a “yes” filter. I used to say yes to just about everything - events, plans, another glass of wine, when my kids ask to watch another episode. Pausing and running that query through a filter helps me process how that yes will affect my future self. My yes criteria are:
Events + plans - is this something I’m going to document or is it something I actually want to attend? Besides supporting, why do I want to go? (if I don’t have an answer for this, I say no).
A food/drink indulgence - is this enhancing my meal in some way or is it a default question? If it’s the latter, I say no.
A request from the kids - I answer “let me think about it” when I process their question (a line I’ve adopted from my mother that is brilliant in its brevity). Is their request meaningful to us as a family, or is it a yes I’ll regret when they’re overstimulated or hyped up on sugar? Is there a meaningful option Ia can propose instead?
Are these foolproof? I wish. I’ve been indulging in more stress shopping these past couple of weeks, and had too many martinis on Friday night. But after some Gatorade and white rice on Saturday morning, I basically logged off and spent some quality time with my family - reading together, drawing Valentine’s Day cards for some special kids that need some extra love, snuggling and watching movies. I feel rested and ready to actually follow these steps and to inch my way back.
What I know for certain is that there will more challenges ahead of me. A shoe will drop, fires will need to be put out, and moments of intense stress will send me cocooning with fried rice doused in peanut sauce while watching Housewives (and to let myself have those moments instead of fighting them). I also hope that I come back to this newsletter when things do hit the fan and remind myself of these fairly easeful things that have worked for me in good times and hard times.
I hope they do the same for you - and that you share your own toolkit for staying focused and present.
What We Read Over The Past Two Weeks
Crescent City #1-3 - Shibani influenced me to re-read both books before Flame and Shadow came out on Tuesday, and I’m so glad because I had forgotten just about everything what happened in them. I couldn’t help but compare them to ACOTAR when I first read the first two books (which was natural since I rushed straight into Crescent City). The re-read gave me a deeper appreciation for the world building and the characters this time around, and I found the third book chaotically satisfying, as is the end of a Maas series. There was a multiversal element I really enjoyed in this book, but the rapid character POV changes within a chapter (with no warning) was jarring.
Just for the Summer by Abby Jimenez (out April 2) - there’s a beautiful comfort that comes with reading one of your favorite authors, and Jimenez delivers heartful books that don’t shy away from the hard things or the steamy moments. I loved how she wove in two side characters from a previous book and managed to weave in elements from all of her previous books into this one. Loved this one, and I miss it already.
The Testaments: The Sequel to The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood - I am forever late to the literary party, but in this particular case, it's actually pretty shocking I didn't get around to this one until now. It's every bit as good as I had hoped it would be as a follow-up to one of my all-time favorite books.
Snowed In by Catherine Walsh - I am in the middle of this right now because all I really want for Christmas is something fun and enjoyable to push me across the 2023 finish line, and this is it. I'm not all the way through yet but so far I would happily recommend it to anyone looking for something light and flirty to close out their book year.
Yellowface by R.F. Kuang - Two of my friends recommended Yellowface and then I found it in my local free library and read it in just a few hours. It's a searing look at the publishing world and so much more. Read this to get out of a reading rut and keep thinking about certain details for days.
If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl - This one is always in rotation-- especially right now as I attempt to navigate romance while on a committed Spiritual path.
The Villain Edit by Sarah Brenton - Ashley is the villain of a reality TV show and Gabriel is Hollywood’s perfect leading man. When Ashely tries to stop her cousin from marrying the love of her life (also an actor) by staging a seduction, she ends up getting paparazzid with Gabe instead.
✅ fake dating
✅ a good guy who wants to be a little bad, and a bad girl who wants to be good
✅ road trip
✅ only one bed 🙌🏽
🌶️: yes and it starts in the first 100 pagesThis book is so much fun and the grovel is top notch!!! I read this in a day!
Bring Me Their Hearts by Sara Wolf - Zera infiltrates the royal palace with the sole goal of stealing Prince Lucien’s literal heart.
✅ morally grey FMC. Zera is literally heartless.
✅ she’s 16 (technically 19), he’s early 20s? (I may have missed the detail on his actual age)
✅ Robin Hood vibes
✅ political intrigue and a zealot controlling people with fear while stoking a war
✅ book 1 in a series
🌶️: noIt ends on a cliffhanger!! Book 1 in a complete trilogy
The Top Reads From The Past Two Weeks
You can get #5SmartReads delivered to your inbox every weekday - subscribe here.
Monday: The Rise of the Accidentally Permissive Parent (The Cut)
Tuesday: Olivia Muenter's ‘Such a Bad Influence’ Excerpt and Cover Reveal Add a Twist to Influencer Culture (Cosmopolitan)
Wednesday: The One Piece of Jewelry I Change Every Week (Megan’s Substack)
Thursday: That $20 Uniqlo Bag Is Already Having a Better Year Than You (GQ)
Friday: I’m an Ultrarunner. Taylor Swift’s Treadmill Workout Wrecked Me. (Outside)
Monday: Billions of cicadas will buzz this spring as two broods emerge at the same time (NPR)
Tuesday: How to microdose movement (Vox)
Wednesday: The Surprising Gift of the “Old Age” Filter (Things That Don’t Suck)
Thursday: Morning light is crucial for happiness. Here’s how to get it- even if you hate mornings (Vox)
Friday: Only the Middle East Can Fix the Middle East (Foreign Affairs)
All The #5SmartReads From The Past Two Weeks
The Weekly Thali
Thali is a traditional Indian meal made up of a number of dishes (presented in their own small bowls), served on a single platter. It feels like an appropriate description of a grab bag section of Q&A, recommendations, and random links shared this week
January was anything but gentle - but it had some incredible moments I never want to forget.
An untold history lesson about one of my favorite places in New York City.
I’m fairly certain that I have one of these sticker books in each of my bags - great for keeping your kids entertained while you’re on the go.
What to do when you lose your motivation.
Reason 5439849029384 why I love the Muppets.
Some outfits I’ve worn and loved recently - these separates and this dress for baby showers, my take on the mob wife trend, and this tried-and-true dress for a pasta dinner. But if we’re really being honest, I’m usually in a version of this.
I cannot believe this is how 10,000 steps a day became a thing (given that I found it on Twitter, it’s likely not but amusing all the same.
Have a great week, my friend.
xo,
HPN
Thanks for introducing me to the Forest app. I love using it. How did you make these time blocks some thing that sticks proactively? Is there a way to set reminders in the Forest app? Or do you have any sort of reminder that goes off to remind you to do this? I need to build some of those blocks into my day.