entering my selfish era

just the hits #13

When my husband me a cup of coffee before 5 am on Wednesday morning, I knew.

I didn’t cry (yet). I didn’t drown my sorrows in a bag of Doritos. I didn’t spend hours reading every single think piece or watching cable news nonstop.

This time, I chose myself.

I picked up my Kindle and kept reading the third Innkeeper Chronicles book (one of my favorite series that I picked up again last week). I sat with my feelings, with the help of Neeti’s ‘sitting with sadness’ meditation. I listed the little things I was grateful for - hot coffee in bed every morning, my sons being healthy and happy, not having a uterus anymore (sad, but true).

I went for walks (both savoring and slightly horrified by the 70-something degree weather). I deleted social media apps from my phone immediately after posting this and this, and mass deleted all the news newsletters from my inbox.

I didn’t want to be near my phone. If I’m being honest, I still don’t.

But I’m not giving up.

I’m channeling my emotions into taking care of myself and my family. I’m directing the time, energy, and money I’ve channeled into the campaign over to the nonprofits I serve on the boards of, and to the organizations I worked with this cycle.

And I’m using all my ‘special occasion’ things regularly - the pretty teacup and saucer I keep meaning to use, the candles I’ve been squirreling away and never using, and wearing the fancy pajamas for lounging around (instead of an old t-shirt and the oversized flannel pajama pants I ‘borrowed’ 10 years ago from a friend).

In 2016, I thought I had to devote every bit of myself into saving democracy (at the expense of my family, my health, and my sanity). I don’t regret it, but I’m choosing to process and proceed differently this time.

I told my husband that I was being selfish this time. He reframed it, and said I was focused on self-preservation to stay in the fight.

I invite you to enter your own selfish/self-preservation era. Take exquisite care of yourself, as often as you can. Use the special occasion things often (candles, place settings, skincare & beauty products, clothes). Watch and read joyful things. Hang suncatchers in your windows.

But also invest whatever time, energy, and funds you are able to into building the world you want to live in. Tech for Campaigns is looking for skilled volunteers to help flip and hold onto state legislatures in battleground states (Elon Musk copied their playbook to help flip Pennsylvania). Engage with your community - for my fellow desis, Indian American Impact mobilizes volunteers and helps elect more South Asians to office. I’m honored to serve on the boards of Feminist Press (one of the longest running independent presses that publishes underrepresented voices), Youth Represent (providing legal services and policy advocacy to help youth of color through the criminal justice system in NYC), and New Morning (a South Carolina-based organization that provides comprehensive, contraceptive healthcare to every resident in need). I’d be happy to connect you with any of these organizations if you’d like to get involved.

I would be so appreciative if you upgrade your subscription to help support #5SmartReads (my weekly news series that amplifies underreported stories and underrepresented perspectives). I’m taking a note from

Emily Amick

and am lowering the annual subscription to $30/month (until November 17, 2024).

Be selfish. Choose yourself and channel your energy wisely.

And put up your Christmas tree early. We all could use a bit of sparkle right now.

Catch up on the latest here:

the plan - november 2024

#5SmartReads - November 5, 2024

just the hits #12

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The Innkeeper Chronicles

by Ilona Andrews

Innkeeper is the book series I reach for when I don’t know what I want to read - it’s got a little bit of everything.

The inns in these books are magical waypoints for aliens traversing around the galaxy, and their innkeepers (always human) have magical powers that allow them to cater to their guest’s every needs (and keeping them under control). Dina (the titular Innkeeper in this series) deals with it all - an attempted assassination of a vampire lord, a murderous permanent guest in her inn, a prickly chef, and a sexy space werewolf.

It’s got a cozy vibe that feels like a Hallmark movie, contemporary fantasy that I really love, and a delightful cast of characters that I miss once I’m finished reading. I also love that they’re on the shorter side, which I definitely needed this week.

You can find my 2024 reads here, and October’s reads here.

Stitched Notebook Set ($18 $14)

use code HITHA25 for 25% off your order

I’ve become one of those annoying people who starts each day journaling. Granted, said journaling is usually done a few words or a sentence between pleading with my kids to stop jumping on the bed or to take a bite of their breakfast.

But it really has changed my life - and these notebooks are make it all the better. They’re gorgeous, the stitching makes it easy to lay it flat and write, and it’s thin enough to actually fill out (I’m on my fifth notebook).

Find last month’s Amazon favorites here.

The big idea: is convenience making our lives more difficult?

published in The Guardian

“I can just Amazon it.”

My mom pointed out that I had said this phrase 4 times in a single afternoon, in response to her saying she’d be happy to pop over to the store and pick it up.

And as I read this article, I realized just how disturbing my default for convenience has become.

Convenience is both a necessity and an insidious luxury that changes our behavior so powerfully without our realizing it. And as I focus on living more of my life offline and being present in the moment, I’m starting to question if my default habits that prioritize convenience are in line with the slower, more intentional life I aspire to.

(she says after she impulse purchased a sweatsuit…while wearing a perfectly comfortable sweatsuit).

This quote, in particular, had me rethinking every little detail of how I live:

“…more advanced technologies undoubtedly have their pleasures and opportunities, too. But there’s evidence to suggest that contemporary hyper-convenience can also make our lives more, not less, difficult.

…Levels of loneliness have become sufficiently problematic that the UK has had a “minister for loneliness” since 2018. Such loneliness, it could be argued, would simply not be possible without the technologies, from comms to home entertainment, that allow people to live such separate lives in the first place.”

With a husband and two kids (and a niece living with us), I don’t feel all that lonely (and am currently relishing the two days in Pennsylvania I had without them, and with my parents). But I could’ve easily prepared a quick meal instead of ordering Qdoba via Uber Eats, and didn’t quite need to order a new pillowcase from Amazon (instead of bringing one from NY).

I’m going to delete the Amazon app from my phone in an effort to curb my impulse shopping, and re-implement my 72 hour waiting period for “little treat” purchases. If I’m restocking something, it’s only when I’m nearly finished with the current product.

Baby steps.

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• How did I not know that Kelly Rowland has an entire Christmas trilogy? It’s streaming on Hulu & Disney+, and I know what I’m watching over the next week.

• I was a bit schlubby this week, living in these pajamas or this t-shirt (honoring my first feminist icon) and the best lounge pants. But once the weather finally drops to appropriate autumn temperatures, I’ll be living in this set.

• I’m very much enjoying the high vibes echo chamber that is Threads right now - follow me there!

• We buy Hallmark’s annual Star Trek and Star Wars ornaments, and I love watching our tree get a bit nerdier every year.

• A few books to help move forward right now: A Healthy State of Panic, Financial Feminist or Rich AF, Rest is Resistance, Democracy in Retrograde, The Small and the Mighty. Build your wealth, protect your peace and your rest, and learn the history that school refused to teach us and how to stay in the fight.

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Please take exquisite care of yourself this week.

xo,
HPN