lessons from jet lag

just the hits #20

I have no words to adequately respond to the devastating fires in LA right now. I’ve been going through this spreadsheet of mutual aid requests and making donations along with making a recurring donation to World Central Kitchen. To my Angeleno friends - we’re here for you, now and in the months and years to come as you rebuild.

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I can’t believe I used to look forward to jet lag.

Granted, this was before I had children, and I was already working remotely.

It was a time where waking up at 3 am meant curling up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee, pulling out my journal and vowing to keep up with a consistent morning pages practice. I’d read the physical newspaper while sipping my second cup of coffee, and watch the sun rise over the midtown skyline.

This week was the polar opposite of my old idyllic mornings. All of us had our fair share of meltdowns and hangry moments, and I’m not proud of how I reacted at 3:25 am on Wednesday morning.

Writing this after my first decent night’s sleep (6 hours, uninterrupted) reminded me of some of the tools and rituals that helps us reset and calm ourselves down - and these made for a fairly peaceful Friday morning.

• 5 minutes of yes - I sit down on the ground with one of my sons, and for the next 5 minutes we do whatever he wants to do. We flip a coin to decide who goes first, set a timer, and I’m fully locked in with Legos, a book, or playing restaurant, and repeat with my other son once the timer goes off. This ritual was a lifesaver last year when the kids would come home on the verge of restraint collapse, and I wish I remembered it earlier in the week.

• Floor rotting - when things get truly chaotic, I dramatically fall to the floor, lie in savasana, and start belly breathing really loudly. It snaps my kids out of whatever they were fighting about and gives them a common target (me). Sometimes they’ll join me on the floor and we breathe together, and then they mock me for being weird.

• Just show up - my attempts at my morning routine in relative peace were a failure. Rhaki colored while I meditated and journaled on Friday, and the kids battled over my phone while I got in my Peloton ride before we had breakfast. There were some skirmishes and my coffee (lovingly made by my boys) was cold, but it was a good morning.

If ease is my theme for the year, imperfect consistency is how I’ll find my way there. And our jet lagged mornings reminded me that power and peace exist in loosening the grip and letting others lead.

And, you know, try to take care of myself as best as I can:

the plan - january 2025

For my fellow New Yorkers: I’ll be in conversation with two of my dearest friends (and debut authors) later this month. I’d love for you to join us.

• January 29th - in conversation with Keren Eldad, author of Gilded (6-8 pm, Veronica Beard Soho Store)

  • email events@kereneldad.com to RSVP

• January 30th - in conversation with Neha Ruch, author of The Power Pause (6-8 pm, MM.LaFleur Upper West Side Store)

  • register here (all attendees will receive a copy of Neha’s book)

You can catch up on the latest posts here:

superbugs, H1B visas, and bingeing on nostalgia

tiptoeing into 2025

If budget permits, I would be so appreciative if you upgrade your subscription. You’ll receive the full edition of #5SmartReads (my weekly news series that amplifies underreported stories and underrepresented perspectives), and access to our accountability group for the plan. I’m extending the annual subscription discount (50% off, just $30/year) through the end of January.

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The Stolen Queen

by Fiona Davis

Is there a word for ‘I know kind of how this book is going to go, but also not and I’m excited for the ride?’

That’s how I feel about Fiona Davis’ entire backlist, and The Stolen Queen (her first book that leaves NYC) is likely my favorite. We have trailblazing women in antiquities and art, one of the first Met Galas, and Indiana Jones-esque adventures in Egypt.

It’s the perfect vacation-in-book-form read. If things just feel heavy and awful, this will help get your mind off *gesticulates wildly* all of this.

You can find my 2024 reads here, and my December reads here.

Stitched Notebook Set ($18 for 3 notebooks)

The logical part of my brain knows that a specific notebook won’t change your life. The emotional part of my brain will wax poetically about these perfect notebooks and how writing in them every morning has changed my life.

And both parts of my brain would be correct, but let’s lean into the latter.

Whenever I share my little ‘well check’ on Instagram and in the chat, I get a request to share the link to my journal. I’ve filled 3 of them since beginning my journaling practice last summer (and I’ve never before finished an entire notebook).

While the practice of morning pages is what improved my life, having a notebook I’m genuinely happy to write in made it possible.

I also feel the same about these pens, in case you were wondering.

Find this month’s Amazon favorites here.

No apps, no hacks. A guide to optimizing productivity (CNN)

‘New year, same me’ is my modus operandi for 2025.

I worked really hard last year to find a rhythm and develop rituals that helped me stay present and engaged in my work and my home life. And I feel slightly smug that many of mine mirror that of my friend Upasna - and I also learned a few things from here in this smart, succinct piece.

There is no notebook, app, or specific pen that will change your life (though the right notebook and pen have certainly sparked joy in mine). Mindful productivity requires you to be ruthlessly honest with yourself and how you’ve been working, and to face where you have room for improvement.

That, in my opinion, is the hardest part. We are addicted to the dopamine surge that comes with that app, or that notebook that our parasocial besties claim as their secret weapons, versus admitting that we’re losing hours of our day to scrolling.

I’ve been there. Hell, I still slip into that space (especially over the holidays).

You are great. Being honest about your screen time usage and how you fall down Reddit rabbit holes (guilty) won’t change that, but it will help you unlock a level within you that’s even better.

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Here are some ways to support folks in LA:

• if you have new cosmetics and toiletries, or new/lightly used clothing and are based in NYC, you can DM Ale Lubezki for information on where to drop off your items (she’ll send them to LA when it’s safe to do so)

• My friend Caitlin will be using all donations to Civic Soul to get gift cards, clothes, and essentials to distribute to families in Altadena (her hometown) and Pasadena. I’ve worked with Caitlin on advocacy campaigns in the past and am in awe of how impactful she is.

• iFundWomen has launched a relief fund to support their LA members who have lost their homes. iFW’s CEO Karen is relentless (in the best way) in showing up for her members (I saw how she helped so many obtain PPP loans early in the pandemic), and I know she’ll do the same in distributing these funds ASAP.
  *disclosure - I am an investor in iFundWomen

• Aparna’s advice as a former insurance attorney and someone who lost her home in a natural disaster is really helpful.

• Be mindful about what you share! There’s a lot of misinformation or cherry-picked narratives going viral online. Here’s more detail on prison firefighters (I appreciate the way it’s a rehabilitation program, and hope it does more for its volunteers), and I recommend following the.wellness.therapist for rapid response debunking of misinformation.

• I’ll leave you with some simple, powerful advice.

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If you enjoyed this weekend’s letter, please consider:

• tapping the ❤️ icon below.

• if you have other ways to support folks in LA, tap the 💬 and please share.

• upgrading your subscription, if budget permits.

As always, take exquisite care of yourself this week.

xo,
HPN