issue #141 - the pathetic one

I’m a bit of a superstitious person.

I knock on wood when I don’t want to jinx something (and knock the side of my head when there’s no wood in sight). I never share my birthday wishes with anyone.

And I’m very paranoid on birthdays. The headspace I’m in on my birthday and how I spend the day sets the tone for the year (at least, that’s how I feel) and as such as I’m super careful about my birthday plans.

I don’t want anything crazy or a big party (except for when I turned 34, and honestly that was one of the best parties and years of my life). I like to be home, with my husband and kids, that day. I like to go out for a nice meal. I like to pamper myself a bit with a blowout or a massage, wear a new dress, and blow out the candles with the promise and potential of a new year.

38 definitely did not begin this way. I’ll spare you the details, but I spent most of the day (and the following day) crying in the closet, crying in the parking lot of Taco Bell, crying on a sanity walk that offered very little sanity.

A sense of control of my space and my plans and my health is something I’ve learned is key to my mental health, and when you get COVID, control goes right out the door because you can’t go anywhere or do anything. And so I spent the first two days of 38 dousing my Taco Bell in 5 diablo sauce packets (my taste buds are definitely numb), crying constantly, and feeling generally pathetic.

And this terrible mood has flowed into a holiday that feels anything but celebratory, I’m wallowing and finding it hard to be positive or upbeat about anything. I’m going to spend today getting my act together - planning meals that hopefully wake up my taste buds, getting my inboxes empty for the coming week, and being a better mother and wife to my family than I have been the past week. Tonight’s plan is to watch Independence Day, because nothing says the Fourth of July to me than Will Smith shooting down evil aliens.

I’ve never embraced the idea of a birthday week, but I’m warming up to a birthday redo once I’ve completed our quarantine. And if you have any ideas on how to shake the birthday blues or any kind of emotional funk, please share them in the comments of this post!

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What I Read This Week

• Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams - if there’s one bright spark from the past week, it’s this book series. A bunch of men seeking to improve themselves and their relationships by reading romance novels and talking about it is exactly my vibe, and I fell quickly and deeply in love with these fictional bros and the women who love them (with a special spot in my heart for Vlad and Elena). Truly, if you just need something that’s a full-on serotonin boost, this book series IS IT.

• The Sizzle Paradox by Lily Menon - this was a very cute read that grabbed by attention as it was marketed for fans of The Kiss Quotient and The Love Hypothesis (which are two of my favorites). I honestly was in an awful headspace when I read it, and I think it warrants a re-read when I’m in a better mood and a full review then.

What Everyone Else Read This Week

Kate

• The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person by Frederick Joseph - Straight-up a must-read for anyone and everyone who wants to deepen their understanding of race and racism (which frankly, should be everybody!). I buy my books from Semicolon Bookstore, a Black femme-owned bookstore in Chicago!

LaToya

• The Road Trip by Beth O’ Leary - Beth O'Leary is quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. Her books have complex characters that are interesting, smart, flawed and fun to read about. The Road Trip is really well written and handles complex issues in a careful, measured way.

Abigail

• The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo - I read this a few years ago and am plotting a reread. If you love multigenerational stories, this one is for you. It's long but I flew through it and I still think about the central family, which is the sign of special book.

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Top #5SmartReads Of The Week

• Roe’s Final Hours in One of America’s Largest Abortion Clinics (The New Yorker)

• Why there’s still no new birth control for men (The San Diego Union-Tribune)

• How Stereotypes Shape the Language That People Use (TIME Magazine)

• Teen Justice: A List Of Boys “To Look Out For” Appeared On A High-School Bathroom Wall Last Fall. The Story Of One Of Them. (the Cut)

• This Is The Summer Of The ‘Going - Out Book’ (Vogue)

The rest of the week’s reads + last week’s (and conversations!) are below:

• Monday June 27, 2022

• Tuesday June 28, 2022

• Wednesday June 29, 2022

• Thursday June 30, 2022

• Friday July 1, 2022

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Your Questions, Answered

Best car chauffeur company in NYC? Need to get from the city to cape May NJ!
Hit reply to this e-mail and I will share our go-to airport driver’s details!

How are you doing I hope better!
I’m starting to feel better! Grateful for incredible teams who have held down the fort at work, for an amazing husband who took care of me and friends who sent us nourishing food, and for Netflix for entertaining my child during this quarantine.

Though if I never see Cocomelon, Blippi, and the Paw Patrol Movie again, it will still be too soon.

Did Rhaki catch it too? If so, how long does it delay his vaccine? :(
I’m fairly certain Rho’s recent booster is the reason he didn’t test positive and I’m so grateful for my parents’ quick action to take him to PA immediately to minimize his exposure and keep him negative. He’s having the time of his life but I miss him a lot!

Get yourselves/your big kids boosted if eligible!

He did, but he bounced back faster than any of us (2 days with a high fever and body aches, mild fever the day after, and back to his normal self after that). Here is Jessica Malaty Rivera, MS’s post about vaccination guidance post-infection, and we’ll get him jabbed as soon as his pediatrician gives him the green light!

What did you read after ACOTAR? What will be as good? (almost done)
I jumped straight into Crescent City on Becca Freeman’s recommendation and I’m glad I did, and I’m going to pick Throne Of Glass back up in the coming weeks.

I also started Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn and it’s excellent- not romance, but really phenomenal fantasy.

If you want a contemporary romance palate cleanser, here are some of my favorites:

• American Royalty by Tracey Livesay

• Bromance Book Club series by Lyssa Kay Adams

• Drunk In Love by Jasmine Guillory (available on NetGalley, out in September)

• Meant To Be Mine by Hannah Orenstein

• Dating Dr. Dil by Nisha Sharma

• The Astronaut and The Star by Jen Comfort

• Space Junk series by Sarah L. Hudson

What do you do when you feel like life is just too hard but you need to carry on That sounded more intense than I meant it to but you know what I mean!
Two things: I take action, and then I take care.

On the action front, I’m so grateful to my friend Emily who posts daily actions you can take every day to practice engaged citizenship. If I feel like I need to do something more, I donate money to a cause I feel passionate about or to research and learn about a topic I don’t know enough about. I set a timer, give myself that time to be fully focused on what I’m learning, and then follow it up with some care.

This is my self-care menu (something I learned from @amandangocnguyen and it’s a really helpful practice so you have something you can do without whatever time you have.

Having a small surgery next week. Best copy treats for recovery?
A Nesara kaftan and blanket! Code Hitha gets you $10 off!

Also shared some of my go-to goodies here- the world’s best water bottle, candle, silk pajama top and bottoms, and audiobook.

How to come to terms with people traveling within 6 days of testing +?
I am so frustrated that the mask requirement was removed from transportation because it kept up safe and reduced risk of getting COVID significantly, as we’re seeing with travel delays lately (weather is another huge factor)

I would not feel comfortable gathering with folks who are traveling so close from their first positive test if I had a choice, but I would require tasing and moving your interaction outdoors and masking if I didn’t have a choice.

How to decide cover travel risk now? It seems like all bets are off and no one care but I do!
If you can avoid air travel this summer, I would. Between the delays and the increased risk of exposure to COVID for me it’s just not worth it.

But if you must travel, wear a well-fitting KN95 mask, rest daily, and plan to stay home a few days before and after your trip to minimize your exposure to others. I would also apt for outdoor dining or eating in your hotel/AirBnB room.

WFH and lacking motivation recently. Best tips to find your focus and flow?
Establish a “work mode” ritual. For me, mine is:

• I light a candle and put on a work mode playlist (Star Wars Lo-Fi is a longtime favorite)

• I fill out my daily planning page

• I start the first task on my to-do list

A fav client is taking time off because his wife is having breast cancer surgery. Any suitable gift/gestures I can do?
Ask if. a meal train has been set up- contribute to it if it’s already set up, or start one on their behalf. Or send some delivery service gift cards!

If they have kids, send some fun activities for them to do (Kiwico is great for this!)

I would also send something for him (Caring for the caretaker)- a Yeti mug and his favorite coffee/tea, a Libro.fm gift certificate, a basket of yummy snacks.

How do you add structure/grounding to your routine when home with a baby?
My friend Neeti recently welcomed her second baby and shares so much great content and her experience at doing this on her account.

I also want to assure you that the early days and months are a blur and it’s okay for things to be chaotic, because they are! Your baby is changing so much every day so it’s okay to let structure out the window in your own life as you try and navigate in finding some rituals every day- a walk in the park, meditating for 5 mixtures, even taking a shower- but not holding myself to a specific time to do it every day.

You go this. And what a lucky baby.

I hope you feel better soon dear <3
Me too! Currently sitting on the couch watching Love Island UK and snuggling this weighted sloth my husband got me.

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May your weekend be better than mine was, and to a better week for us all.

xo,
HNP