Last night I slept hard.

I fell asleep in Rho’s bed after we watched President-Elect Biden and Vice-President-Elect Harris speak. And after crawled into my own bed, I slept harder and more deeply than I have in years.

Four years, to be precise.

I know this election outcome is disappointing and disheartening for millions of Americans. And having mourned the outcome of an election before, I know how it feels.

But I hope you’ll keep reading as I attempt to express how being an ‘other’ in this country has been especially difficult for these past four years.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere.

Here in the States, my name was constantly mispronounced and mocked. I wished for my name to be Jennifer, that my skin was pale and my hair brown or blonde. I resented my mother for having me learn Bharathanatyam and not ballet, and for wearing Indian clothes instead of dresses to parties thrown by our family friends.

And when we spent every summer in India, my accented Telugu was teased by my cousins. That I needed more ghee or yogurt to temper the spiciness of the food, that I had to drink bottled or boiled and filtered water, and that I didn’t know the rules of cricket or khabadi were constant reminders that I didn’t really belong.

I was a girl of two cultures, but never felt a sense of belonging in either.

The great promise of the United States of America is that we all define America. And today’s America embraces my culture and so many others in a mainstream way that is wonderful and exciting. And Barack Obama’s election - a man who spent his own childhood being othered - gave me the sense of belonging to this country that I have never felt before.

Donald Trump’s rise and eventual election - with his hateful words targeting anyone who wasn’t White, cis-gendered, straight, and Christian - ripped that feeling away. And with it, the sense of safety and security I had always felt in this country.

I claim many states in this beautiful country as home - New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Washington, and North Carolina. I’ve traveled to many more and have loved breaking bread with my fellow Americans.

And I have never once felt unsafe. Until Trump was elected.

Watching White terrorism target the anyone that didn’t fit their narrow view of American was terrifying. Watching science be routinely ignored and dismissed has been terrifying, especially during a global pandemic.

Watching good people’s minds be poisoned by lies, vitriol, and hatred has been terrifying.

And watching the Republican party - the party that abolished slavery, expanded healthcare access, and promoted reproductive freedom - offer the weakest words and no action was terrifying and saddening.

I am a proud American. I will always be all-in on America. But for the past four years, America did not feel like it was all-in for me or so many others who have been ‘othered’ their entire lives in this country.

America, despite its incredible promise and accomplishments, was born from White supremacy. The birth of this nation displaced the Native Americans that called this land home before we did, and with the blood of Black men, women, and children who were the property of White men.

White women bought into this system until they didn’t, and they fought for their rights but not those of Black and Brown women.

Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ victory is not the magic bullet that will cure the ‘otherism’ problem we have. But it offers the reset we desperately need to remember that we are ONE nation and we all love this country.

We all want the right to a dignified, healthy, and safe life, with equal rights protected under law.

Democracy is not a destination, but a process. This election, like the ones that came before and the ones that will come, is but one step in this process.

But may this one mark a reckoning to address our dark history and to work for a brighter future.

If these words moved you, please consider sharing them with your platform or with the loved ones who view politics and America differently than you do.

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I read zero books this week. I cannot wait to replace doomscrolling with reading this week and every week to come

The Top 5

The Catch Up

Monday (curated by Hiwote Getaneh)

What Was Fun? (Vox)
When Are We Truly Productive? (The School Of Life)
Breonna Taylor’s Mom Hits Streets With The State Of The Emergency Tour: “I’m Voting Because Breonna Can’t” (Blavity)
8 Ways To Read The Books You Wish You Had Time For (Harvard Business Review)

Tuesday

Wednesday

How I Learned to Find Joy During Times of Grief (Vogue)
The Political Is Personal (PEN America)
A brief history of voting from space (Axios)
Sana Javeri Kadri on Building a Pantry You Love (Girls’ Night In)

Thursday

I've worked in childcare for 15 years. Here's how to solve the US childcare crisis once and for all (Business Insider)
Mitra Jouhari’s Airhead Act (The Cut)
Top Trump adviser bluntly contradicts president on covid-19 threat, urging all-out response (Washington Post)
Election 2020: Hope Is A Journey, Not A Destination (Essence)

Friday

America's new power couple: Joe and Mitch (Politico)
These moms fought for universal preschool in their Oregon county — and won (The Lily)
We Should Have Known (The Dispatch)
Commentators call on Republicans to surround Philly. Philly social media responds: You’ve obviously never met us (The Philadelphia Inquirer)

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All my love,
Hitha

#5SmartReads

issue #77 - the 'other' one