how are you, really?

just the hits #45

I’m numb.

I keep deleting every sentence I’ve written in this Substack. I tried to write a recap, but the draft disappeared in the ether of Substack. I wrote, deleted, and re-wrote sentences on feeling numb (which spiraled into missing my hypomania episodes living with BPD2, which I then cut and pasted into an email to my therapist).

Sidebar: if you’re feeling numb, it’s because your brain is trying to help you calm down and cope. Take a moment to thank your brain, and do the calming things you know you’re supposed to do.

I don’t know what to say at the moment. I don’t know what to do. I’m doing all of the things you’re supposed to—walks outside, using my Glowbar membership and getting a facial, reading books instead of scrolling too much, drinking obnoxiously large tumblers of water. I leave my phone in the other room, take proper breaks away from my desk, and spend time with my friends.

I’m here, but I’m not really here.

I suppose the only thing I can do is to continue what I’ve been doing: the little things every day, imperfectly and numbly. I’m also going to rely on my anxiety toolkit, because that’s what it’s there for.

• I’m going to swap out my faux greens for my moody florals, the green tapers for black ones, and hang some faux marigold garlands (Diwali is early this year!).

• I will finally tackle my overflowing pantry while watching With Love, Meghan.

• I’m going to keep getting dressed in non-loungewear every day because it annoyingly makes me feel better.

• I’m going to follow the advice Dr. Whitney Roban shared on the panel I moderated for Brunel: journal before bed and practice breathwork in viparita karani (legs against the wall). I immediately unboxed the Renewal body oil and placed it next to my body lotion, to use after my evening shower (with the lights dimmed low, h/t

  Kate Strickler
  for that advice).

How are you doing? What are you doing to cope?

You can also keep scrolling and catch up on my latest Substack posts:

the plan - september 2025

turning down the temperature

tiny tweaks to my habits (that are making a big difference)

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things i’m loving right now

• I swapped out my Armoire case for some fall items: wide-legged trousers and a ribbed cashmere short-sleeved sweater, an asymmetrical button down, a suede tee, and a bold blouse.

• A timely reminder that you can rent films and access some streaming platforms with a library card, and use Library Extension to see if a book you’re about to buy is in your local library system (and how many holds it has).

• Emily Amick
  ’s piece on Erika Kirk is a must read (and her Substack is absolutely worth the paid tier, currently $35 for a year).

• “You need to do whatever “it” is for awhile before you can see what you’re doing with any clarity.” I felt both seen and attacked by

  Elise Loehnen
  ’s impactful essay (which was a dose of tough love for me).

• I found this interview with Harley Pasternak to be really smart (and evidence based, a rarity online these days). He tackles it all—raw milk, carbs, GLP-1s, and building a stronger health foundation.

• Requests from my DMs: the earrings and necklace I wear every day, my makeup routine, the best bra bundle (currently $50 off), and what I wore to moderate a panel.

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Wishing you a wonderful Sunday.

xo,
HPN